Gone Too Soon

Lady (Poodle)

1965-1976

Tom (Siamese)

1966-1977

Bubba (Lady's Father)

1963-1977


Mother and Beau

As I have mentioned in previous posts, my Mother was an animal lover. I thought it only fitting to include her with one of our family animals as I talk about them.

First, let's talk about Beau. This falls under "it seemed like a good idea at the time". An airman that was stationed at the Warner Robins Airforce Base was about to deploy and his full blooded poodle had just given birth to a litter of three. Daddy (in his entrepreneurial way) bought the litter at a deep discount with the intention of selling them. Mother took them to the groomer when they were just 7 weeks old to make them pretty for perspective buyers. Two sold immediately, but Beau started acting rather strangely. Mother took him to the vet and he thought that he had been dropped during the grooming and had sustained a head injury. He suggested putting him down because he had been biting. Well, he didn't know Mother. She immediately told him that she would "poke meat through a cage before she's put him to sleep". Such was Mother!!

Beau didn't ever seem to be in pain, but he would only let Mother take care of him and pet him. Anyone else that approached was in danger. Once, when I was very pregnant with Joe, she was taking a bath and forgot to take a towel into the bathroom, so she asked me to hand her one. I, unthinking, stepped into the bathroom to put a towel in and Beau bit my foot. It was sort of like putting your finger into an electrical socket!

To keep him out of harms way and away from anyone coming to the house that he could bite, she took an old fashioned baby play pen (one made of wood) and took the floor out and kept him inside the play pen so that he couldn't hurt anyone. He only was penned when someone was there other than Mother and Daddy. Beau lived to be around 14 or so and she cared for him his whole life.

Next is Bubba. When I was a junior in high school, I bought Bubba, much to my Daddy's dismay. It didn't take long for him to get attached! When I left home, he promised me a puppy if I would leave Bubba with the family. I certainly couldn't take him from so many people that loved him every single day.

Bubba had a very large vocabulary for a dog. In fact, one of my favorite stories is about my sister. She would tell Bubba that Mother was planning to give him a bath and he would go and hide under the dining room table. When Mother would find him, she couldn't put her hands on him because he would start growling! "Who told him?" It was always funny to watch. When he needed to go out, he would just go and sit by the door until someone noticed him. He had the sweetest disposition of any dog and was one of the smartest that I have ever known.

This brings me to Lady and Tom, my first pets. Lady was Bubba's daughter, the pick of the litter. She was born in February, 1965 and she was a loving faithful little companion until she died right after Daddy in September, 1976. She had gotten old and had gone blind, but was able to function quite well and the vet said that she was not in any pain and just to watch her closely. I came home from work one day and she came over and crawled into my lap and just sighed and was gone. I was heart broken. She had been with me such a long time.

Acquiring Tom was quite the adventure. I wanted a Siamese cat and I found a litter in south Georgia that was purebred, so off we went. We were in Daddy's 1966 Buick Wildcat. We picked up the Blue Point male Siamese and started home. We dropped Daddy off and got into our little car to head back to Athens. It was in January and going to freeze that night.

We arrived back in Athens at around midnight. Did I mention that these cats had been living in a barn? Well, when the car door opened, the cat freaked out! He scratched and fought and got loose and the last I saw him he was running down King Ave. in Athens. I know he probably didn't survive the night because it went down below zero for several days. I was so distraught. Not only had we spent a lot of money and had an exhausting day, but we didn't have our kitty. I told one of my co-workers the next day. He called me that night at home and said his Mother had a Siamese that didn't sell in her last litter and she felt so bad for me when she heard the story that she said to come and get him and that I could have him. So, I got my Siamese after all.

As it turned out, Tom was one the the greatest cats ever. He had a great personality and lived to be 11 years old. He died of cancer and I have never felt so helpless.

As pets come and go through our lives the leave indelible prints. I just do not understand anyone who doesn't love animals. I was raised to love them and take care of them. I waited a really long time to get another pet because the pain is so great when it's time for them to go.

Do you have any good pet stories? Has there been one special one that touched you? Just wondering.

Can You Say "Ouch!"?

Yes, this is what happens when you have Gamma Knife. Here's how I came to the conclusion that it may be worth a try. As mentioned in a previous post, I was referred to a neurosurgeon who explained my options. These were what I was told: 1. Wait and watch. Annual MRI's to check for growth. 2. Gamma Knife Surgery which is cobalt radiation. This should kill the tumor. It will still be there, but it will not grow because the radiation will kill it. 3. Surgery for removal. Here in Atlanta the only surgical option was a craniotomy which is about 9 hours of surgery with about a six month recovery. Also, there are so many things that can go wrong, there are too many to list here.

I came to the conclusion rather quickly that the Gamma Knife was the less invasive and my best option. I scheduled the treatment for October 31, 2003. We had to be at the hospital by 6 AM for all the paper work.

We arrived at the appointed time and I was taken into the prep room where an IV was started and I was hooked to monitors. They washed my head in alcohol. Now, honestly, that doesn't sound so bad, does it? Well, try it in a room that is about 60 degrees! It felt like ice. The nurse was so kind. He kept apologizing and said it wouldn't last long, but the area had to be prepared and as sterile as possible.

Next came the frame. The contraption that you see in the photos. And, yes, it is screwed down to my skull. They gave me lidocaine injections at the site to help numb the area, but at my first "ouch", out came the "good" drugs. They took the photos because the nurse said that she thought all of your family should know exactly what you went through. Sometimes the medication is just too good to remember.

I was then taken to have an MRI. It was the sweetest one that I've ever had because I was totally unaware of what they were doing. I was then taken back to the Gamma Knife room and placed on the table while the neurosurgeon, radiologist, and nuclear physicist mapped my brain coordinates, so that I would be getting the radiation on the exact right spot.

The radiation last for about 45 minutes and since my head was bolted to the machine, I just laid there and watched the Today show. (I always like to see what the cast is dressed up as on Halloween anyway, so I stayed entertained.)

I was then taken to a recovery room to get my sea legs back. After the procedure, my head was bandaged like I had had major surgery and while I was being rolled down the hall, I kept saying "Trick or Treat". Everybody would just laugh and I kept wondering what they were laughing at.

Kaye (my sister) and John were waiting for me. They asked me how things went to which I replied. "It was really good! Matt Lauer was dressed as J Lo and Al was dressed as P Diddy." They had the strangest looks on their faces.

I returned home and it took a few days to recover, but for the moment all was well.

Thought for the day:

Never say never and never say always!

My Most Spiritual Moment

Two of my favorites that Ruth made.

My most spiritual moment ever occurred in June, 2003 just before I was diagnosed the the brain tumor. This happened as the result of a really sad tragic illness. One of our church members, Ruth was diagnosed with a brain tumor. A really bad kind. She had surgery and was able to continue her life for a couple of years with no problems. Then in December, 2002, she started feeling bad and, at the suggestion of her husband, had another MRI even through the one that was done in June was fine. When she had the one in December, it showed that the tumor had returned with a vengeance and another surgery had to be performed. She came through the surgery, but it was apparent that she was not going to be able to beat it this time. In January, 2003 she was moved into a beautiful Hospice facility with beautiful surroundings and around the clock care.

At that time, I was in the Women's organization leadership and one of my responsibilities was to visit the sick and help make sure that we were doing all that we could as a church to help and support this family during these hard times. There were three children, the oldest was a girl around 11, a boy that was 8, and the baby girl. I believe she was 5.

One day early in July, a friend, Michelle and I visited Ruth. I asked her if she knew who I was. (We had been friends for the longest time, but this was near the end and I was not sure how much she knew about what was going on.) She said, "Yes, you're Carol". Then she looked up at me and asked me "Do I matter?"

I was really stunned for just a second. If any of you reading this believe that the Holy Ghost can be with you and that words will come when you need for them to, this truly happened. I said to her, "yes, you do matter and let me tell you why."

It was at that moment that words come from I don't know where and I was able to recall vividly lessons that she had taught and what they had meant to me personally. I thanked her for the dozens and dozens of baby quilts that she had made and donated to needy babies. There were hundreds! I thanked her for quilting lessons that she had given to so many. (We always had a quilting frame set up and we all worked on these baby quilts from time to time at her direction.) I told her all the places in my own home that I had things that she had made and that her artistic talent was unbelievable. I reminded her that she hand painted my beads to take to girl's camp and all the girls clamored to get one of them. I told her the joy of my friends in my birthday group when I gave them a candy jar that she had painted. They oohed and aahed and you know how you can tell when you hit a home run with a gift. They were all delighted. I reminded her that I had outbid everyone for the special quilt that she made to commemorate our Women's Retreat that reflected our theme of Psalms 119:105 that says Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. (The money raised was to be used for more fabric to make more baby quilts.) But, most of all I told her we were all grateful for the unwavering example that she set in living the gospel. I told her that she would always be missed and never forgotten.

She passed away shortly after that. I still regret that I was unable to attend her funeral because on the day of her funeral my youngest granddaughter was born.

One great spirit left us and a new little spirit entered the world. Such is the circle of life. She was a good person and I do think of her often and I do miss her.

Did I mention that we bought a home?

Yes, right in the middle of getting diagnosed, we purchased a home. It all started in July, 2003 when I saw a picture of our home in one of those little real estate books that you can pick up at the grocery store. I thumbed through it and found this lovely home. It was on 12 acres in a rural area about one hour from where we lived. I called to ask a few questions and when John found out that there was a creek at he back of the property he wanted to go take a look. We set up the appointment for that Friday.


We had talked many times about buying a home with some land, but we had to wait until John was close enough to retirement that if he was asked to come back into the office and stop traveling, he could manage the commute until retirement time. We are 62 miles one way from his office. As long as he's in his present position, no problem because he works and travels from home.

We arrived at the address and started down a 1000 ft. driveway and when we rounded the corner and saw the house, our mouths dropped open and we knew we had found it. We tried not to get too excited because you just never know what lies behind a front door. We were not disappointed! The prior owner, and I am really happy about this, was a clean freak and the house was spotless. Neither of the couple smoked so that gave us a really big sigh of relief. We returned home and decided this was it. We needed to make an offer.

We contacted a realtor because this was such a big investment, we needed to be sure that our interests were protected. The owner told the realtor that she was going to be out of town, so no need to hurry because she would not be in town. The realtor met with us, wrote up the offer and said she'd call on Monday to present it. Imagine my surprise when the realtor called and said that her plans to go out of town had been cancelled and she had already excepted an offer. We were devastated!!!

We decided to make a back up offer anyway. We wrote the new offer and we were luckily in a position that we did not have to sell our existing home, so there was not a contingency clause. The other buyer had to have a contingency, so at that point, the owner exercised her right to the "kick out" clause which means that she contacted the first offer to see if they could remove the contingency. They could not, so we got the house! This took an unbearable 48 hours. We decided to close the last day of August, 2003.

We moved into the house in October, 2003. This all occurred at the same time as the diagnosis.

There is one thing that happened that still makes me shake my head. About two years before we found the house, we were on a trip and got to the airport a little early. I purchased a book of house plans and found a home that I thought would be just right for us. After we moved in and I was unpacking, I found the book with the bookmark on the page of my selection. That's right! It was this EXACT house!!!!!

Was it meant to be?


Thought for the day:

No success can compensate for failure in the home.

The Diagnosis

Cruise to Hawaii
2003

This photo was taken on our cruise to Hawaii in 2003. It was shortly after our return home that I made that fateful trip to the ENT's office for words that would change my life. I was going for what I thought would be a routine visit with some answers to my dizzy/balance issues, but in no way prepared to hear what I was about to hear.

The PA came into the exam room and said the doctor would be with me shortly. I really didn't think anything was or could be wrong. The doctor entered the room and in a very matter of fact tone said, "Well, you've got a brain tumor. I think it is an acoustic neuroma and I am referring you to a neurosurgeon." After the words "you've got a brain tumor", I heard blah, blah, blah blah, blah. The PA noticed the look on my face and wrote down the words acoustic neuroma on a piece of paper and handed it to be. She softly said, "Look it up on the Internet. They are almost always benign. Call us if you have any questions."

I mumbled a thank you and headed out to the car. If for one minute, I had thought that I would be hearing anything like that, I would have had my wonderful husband with me. I sat in the car, the hot car, it was August and couldn't move. I had some of the funniest thoughts run through my mind.

Is this life threatening?

How can I tell people this and not have them worry?

Will I need surgery?

Will this tumor grow?

How will this affect my everyday life?

Panic!!!

I calmed down and called my husband. I said, "I have a brain tumor, but don't worry, it's not cancer." I proceeded to tell him that I was headed home to find out what I could about the type of tumor that I had and I'd let him know later. He wanted to come home. I told him not to that I was fine.

Then, I proceeded to call my sister. I gave her the same speech. She said in her own way, "Whaaaat?" I gave her the same "don't worry" speech and told her the same thing. I was just having an out of body experience and this really wasn't happening. I think back about it and it was like I was floating through all these things - like in another dimension.

Next comes monumental research but,

the thought for the day is

Denial is not a river in Egypt!

The Love of My Life -throughout eternity

John

Blowing Rock, NC

17th Anniversary

Yesterday we celebrated his birthday and he always says, "It beats the alternative." How true! We learn to appreciate every single day, every single event and all things in between.

We have a beautiful love story. We met in 1987. We both worked for Allstate in different departments, but occasionally, our paths crossed. I knew him to be a man of integrity and very well respected among our peers. Our first date was on Halloween in 1990. I went over to his home and fixed dinner together and answered the door handing out treats. I knew the relationship would go somewhere when I noticed that he had two potato peelers. The romance flourished from there.

We were married on September 20, 1991 in a gazebo at sunset with our immediate family and a few close friends present. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful memory. We did something that I will never forget. We had not really made it public knowledge that we were dating and so we had approximately 100 announcements printed and we mailed them at lunch time on our wedding day. It was a Friday, so imagine everyone's surprise when they got their mail on Monday and there was our announcement. Shock waves ran out among the community. We had pulled it off and kept it quiet.

We honeymooned just north of Charleston, SC at a Bed and Breakfast Inn that was a beautiful low country home. We were between Charleston and Myrtle Beach, so we had the best of both worlds. We enjoyed She Crab Soup, Fish Chowder, and Calabash Shrimp. We shopped and bought the angel that still tops our Christmas Tree. We love the area so much that we have returned there often, but truly, there is only one honeymoon!

We have traveled the world. This is a passion that we both have. We have been to Europe several times. London, Paris, Nice, Berlin, Munich, Venice, Rome, and Florence to just name a few. I was treated to Mother's Day lunch on the Eurostar traveling through the fields of mustard and lavendar in Italy. We have been on several cruises, including Alaska, The Carribean, The Panama Canal, and our favorite, Hawaii. We loved the cruises. Everything is in one location and the food and entertainment is always really good. We have traveled extensively throughout the United States and Canada. We have been in all but two states and maybe, someday soon, we'll get to those. This summer we hope to do a little mini-mission for the church by volunteering to be guides at Palmyra during the annual pageant. What fun that will be!

There will be many more posts about this wonderful person in my life. Here are just a few more things about him that shape him and make him the perfect match for me.

Father of four

Grandfather of three

Step-Father of two

Step-grandfather of three

brother of ten

He's worked for the same company for thirty-two years, quite an accomplishment in this day and age. He's had several leadership callings in the church and always gets accolaids for his accomplishments.

He's tender and caring, fair and just. He has a sense of humor that keeps us both laughing. He is passionate about politics, guns, and other beliefs that he holds near and dear.

I am so proud to call him my husband.

He Ain't Heavy - He's My Brother

Joe at about 3 years old

Joe

1st Grade

Joe

Senior Year

Max

1992-2009

Joe and Max

One thing in this life that we are not able to chose is the family that we are born into and the siblings that come with it. I could not be luckier! I have a wonderful sister and brother, one each, both younger. But today I'm talking about my brother because tomorrow is his birthday and it is a perfect time to remember some things about him.

Like the day he was born. He was born at 11:55 pm on January 19th in a small little clinic in Macon. I had just turned seven and remember like it was yesterday when Daddy took me to the hospital to see him. Mother held him so that I could get a good look and I thought he looked yellow, so I kept saying he looked like a goldfish. There wasn't anything wrong, so it must have been the sun coming through the window.

Mother couldn't get used to the energy of a boy when he was little after having two relatively quiet girls. And some of the antics he would pull! Once he needed a hanky, so he got the scissors and cut out the knee of a new pair of pajamas because he needed to wipe his nose! That went over well!!!!

He was all boy! He loved baseball and was really good at it, earning a spot on the Varsity Baseball team at his high school when he was just a freshman. Quite an accomplishment. I remember one time when he drove to Atlanta and the two of us took in a Braves game. It was at a time when the Braves couldn't get a crowd by giving away seats. We sat somewhere around third base and ate hot dogs and had a great time. One of our few brother/sister only outings.

He shares Mother's love of animals and always has had pets. He recently lost his best friend after a long faithful friendship of 16 years. A really long time for a dog, but the hurt is still fresh and I hurt for him because I have felt that pain also. It's hard to get over.

He loves cats too. I told John that the Vet must just "run him a tab" because there's always one of them needing care. And good care they get.

But the thing that most impresses me about my brother is the way that he loved and cared for our Mother when she was dying. He was her favorite and it was always alright with me. I think it was that special bond that sons have with Mothers and I have that with my two sons, so it was definitely okay. He sat by her bed and cared for her better than any professional nurse ever could have. He was gentle and kind. He was the one with her when she died and I think she planned that on purpose. Just the two of them. That was, I am sure, exactly what she wanted.

He has done one other really good thing. He married JoNell and I love her like a sister. There is one thing that I know. If I needed him, in any way, he would come to my aid. It's like a silent security that I know is there. I am, indeed, a lucky sister!

MRI's and other forms of torture

Going through the Panama Canal

2003

Have you ever had an MRI? Well, I have friends and family that say there's nothing to it, but if you are clautrophobic, there is a LOT to it. I arrived for my appointment in plenty of time. When I got into the room, I see this huge machine. I was told to lay down on the table and that I would have to be really still. An almost impossibility for me. They lay me down on this table and tell me to put my head in this thing that looks like half a football helmet. That seems okay to me. I put my head in the little cradle and that's when the fun began. Velcro was used to strap me in. Then a cage like thing was pulled down over my face.

This was total torture. I was rolled into the machine and told it would take about 45 minutes. They had put plugs in my ears because she said it would be "loud". Well, it sounded like I was inside a drum and someone was banging on it. I was chastised for not being still. It was awful! Then, after about 30 minutes, I was rolled out, told to remain still, and dye was injected into a vein. Then the fun began again. This time it lasted only about 15 minutes.

I hate it, hate it, hate it! I have to have one of these every year and the dread starts when the appointment is made. I have now learned to partially drug myself and lay a wash cloth over my face. This helps with the closed in feeling.

Anyway, next would be the results. The doctor would call me. So now started the wait.

What led to the discovery

Cruising to Hawaii - April, 2003

At wedding reception - March 15, 2008

Back to the brain tumor story. In 2002 and 2003 I had a lot of dizziness. I would go to the doctor and complain of dizziness and he would check my blood and say that everything seemed to be okay. During early 2003, I was diagnosed with a sinus infection and started the usual round of antibiotics. It went away. About a month later, the same thing happened. I went back to the doctor and it was at that time that he decided I needed to see an Ear, Nose, and Throat doc.

Around July of that year, I have my first appointment with an ENT. He thought that I needed to undergo some additional tests, so they were scheduled. Let me back up a moment and add that during the last two weeks of April, John and I had the most wonderful vacation ever and we have traveled a lot! We took a two week cruise to Hawaii. It was relaxing, romantic and just the best ever. It was after this trip that the "fun" began.

The tests were unusual. First, the hearing test. That was not unusual at all, but the tests that followed were quite an experience. (My hearing is normal, by the way.) Next, I was called into an examining room and I sat on the table facing what looked like a metal bar. The lights were turned out and one eye was covered and I was told to follow the light with my eye. First, it went up and down, then it jumped randomly about. This was done, of course, on both eyes. Next, came a really fun test. I lay down on the table and the technician says, "I'll get a trash can, just in case you throw up". I said "WHAT?" Yes, I heard her right. She says this often makes people sick, especially if they are prone to motion sickness. (I did just mention that I went on a cruise, didn't I?) What happened next was very uncomfortable. First, warm air was blown into my left ear for about 20 seconds, followed by cold air. It really makes the room spin, but I didn't get sick, just queasy. Now that you know what's going to happen, yep, you're right, it's done to the right ear. Not a good day!

Of course, I was told to make an appointment for the next week and the doctor would go over my test results with me. When I went back for that appointment, he said there were some abnormalities on the right side and he thought an MRI was in order, so he made the appointment for the MRI with contrast for the next week.

Thought for the day:

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Murphy's Law

My Mother's Love for animals

This is a photo that was professionally taken of Baby. My Mother had Baby before I was born, so it was the early 1940's.

Her love of animals is to this day unmatched by anyone that I know. I grew up living behind the grocery store that my Daddy owned. There were two wooden doors with two screen doors in front of them. People in the neighborhood knew Mother would take in animals, so it was never a surprise when Daddy would go to open the store in the early morning hours and find some little injured or orphaned critter stuck between the screen doors and the wooden doors. I can remember hearing him yell as I would be getting ready for school, "Dammit, Marie! Somebody has left you another animal!" She would take the animal in, give it the medical attention it needed and then find it a home. She was the only person that I knew that carried long gloves and a blanket in the trunk of her car just in case she happened upon an animal that needed help.

I'll add some of the stories of my childhood pets in some following posts and more pictures.

Thought for the day:

There are two things to aim at in life; first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest achieve the second. Logan Pearsall Smith

Mother

Mother holding me - probably 1946

Marie Newsome Horne

Today is the day that I think of my Mother. She was definitely one of a kind. I would describe her as the original Steel Magnolia. Strong, never waivering. I don't remember her crying more than once or twice in my life. She instilled in me my strength and resolve.

Here are some of my memories:

She was an excellent cook. She would put Paula Deen to shame. We had very elaborate meals prepared from scratch every single day. Our Sunday meal was like most people's holiday fare. Daddy was a hunter and she cooked what he brought home. She often said if it "walked, crawled, or flew", he'd want her to cook it. We had many exotic foods to try as well as the usual southern fried chicken, fried fish, hush puppies, slaw, mashed potatoes, and every kind of vegetable that could be grown. There were at least four or five different kinds of peas alone. I do plan to share her recipes and that of my grandmother's someday. Oh, and the biscuits. There is nothing to compare them to - not even Cracker Barrel.

I've decided to share more of the memories that I have in small snippits. Topics with pictures. So, more to come later.

Mother had many sayings. One of my favorites was:

There is no greater love than the love a Mother has for her child.

Wonky Head

Kyle, John, Maya, Alex, Olivia holding Avery, Me holding Mary

Our Grandkids

What is wonky head, you ask. Well, it is a term coined by other people that have acoustic neuromas (or ANer's) that means any abnormal feeling going on in your head. This brings me to the point. My main symptom is wonky head. Sometimes it is vertigo, or dizziness. Sometimes it feels like an earthquake is going on. Sometimes it feels like a wave is washing over me. This happens somewhere between 15 and 20 times per hour. My body is constantly trying to adjust. This, in turn, brings on fatigue. It is very tiring to try to balance all day long and even when you are laying down, things can be out of whack.


I'm going to start from the beginning a tell the whole story. I know many people that suffer from this. Many have decided to "wait and see", some have radiation (there are many different types to choose from), and then surgery. All of these can have different outcomes and whatever decision is made can only be made by the patient. One day I want this over and the next day I'm scared to death! The decisions are not easy because in only some instances is it life threatening. When it is, no problemo! The decision is made. But, for those of us that fall into that no man's land of wanting to be better, but possibly coming out worse, really have a tough time working through the possiblities. As I break down my journey, you will see that I have tried many different things, all hoping for a miracle. Not so fast! There's more to it than that. Follow my story as I slowly write it and if it helps just one person, all the time spent will be worth it.

Thought for today:

Happiness has to be practiced, like the violin.

Decisions, decisions, decisions

This is where I am at this time in my life. A big decision has to be made. I thought the best way to do this would be like some movie plots. Start with today and then go back in time and give everyone the back story.

I was diagnosed with an acoustic neuroma in August, 2003 and this is my story with history and other fun things thrown in. I have two purposes for this blog. One: my children have asked for my history, and two: some of the trials that I have gone through might just help someone else. The journey has been difficult and I have kept it to myself, but now is the time to share. Tomorrow I will have an appointment with my local ENT doctor for a baseline hearing test and to discuss his thoughts on my upcoming brain surgery. More on this later.

Thought for today:

If you have your health, you have everything.